"[Lawyers] are like nuclear warheads. They have theirs, so I have mine.
Once you use them, they fuck up everything."

> "Other People's Money"

"Foreigners always lie. That's how the indians tricked us into buying New
Mexico"
       -- Jackie

> That '70s Show -- '2120 So. Michigan Avenue'

Butters:       Get out of my room, Stan.
Stan:       Fine. But some day you're gonna' to have to stop running from
       what happened and start to deal with it. Otherwise, you might as
       well move to France with all the other pussies.

> South Park -- Ep. 805 'You Got Served'

In Canada, there is a store for women where you can buy a husband. The
store is six stories tall with a sign out front that reads:
       The men on each floor are better than those on the previous floor.
       You can continue up in search of better men, however, once you go
       up a floor, you cannot select a man on a previous floor. If you
       go down a floor, you must leave without a husband.
So a lady enters and on the first floor, there is a sign which reads:
       These men have jobs.
She says, "Hum." and proceeds to the second floor where the sign reads:
       These men have jobs and
       love children.
She says, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend but..." and goes up
to the third floor. That sign reads:
       These men have jobs,
       love children and
       are very handsome.
"Now we're getting somewhere.", she said, and walked on to the fourth
floor. Upon reading the sign:
       These men have jobs,
       love children,
       are very hansom and
       have a romantic streak.
she said, "Wow. This place is great but why should I stop now?" and
continued on to the fifth floor. There, the sign said:
       These men have jobs,
       love children,
       are very hansom,
       have a romantic streak and
       help with the house work.
"This is perfect!", she exclaimed. Then, thinking for a second, she said
to herself, "Wait a minute, why should I settle?" and with that she
proceeded to the sixth and top floor of the building. She opened the door
and the sign read:
       You are visitor number 3 billion to this floor.
       There are no men on this floor.
       This floor exists purely to prove that women
       can NEVER be satisfied.


> A joke I heard on a sports radio show on 1/21/2004

"Jesus tap-dancing Christ! Get with the program, Kyle."
       -- Cartman

> South Park -- Ep. 310 'Chinpoko Mon'

"Don't quote me boy, I ain't said shit."
       -- Dynamite Hack "Boyz-N-The Hood"

> From their 'Pillowhead' CD

"I like to know shit."
       -- Kija 12/14/2003

"Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake
it."
       -- Seymour Cray

> His comment on virtual memory.

"I used to be a member of this gang called the Warlords and we used to
fight this jewish gang. They were called the Landlords."
       -- Paul Rodriguez

"My husband learned really early that flowers = blow-jobs."
       -- Rita 10/24/2003

I put Red Hat 9 on someone's new computer, cause she really wanted it. It
didn't boot after installation, and required booting in rescue mode,
chrooting, editing lilo.conf(changing "linear" to "lba32") and running
lilo. Might've been my fault for choosing lilo, but who the hell wants a
bootloader named "grub"?!

My point is, Microsoft has nothing to worry about, at least for home
users.

Slackware also has nothing to worry about, because it fucking 0wnz.

       -- lemnwezl (8 September 2003(2334 GMT))

"I like sub commanders. They don't have time for bullshit and neither do I."
       -- President Franklin D. Roosevelt

"You know what I'm gonna' do, I'm gonna' get myself a 1967 Cadalack El
Dorado convertible -- hot pink. With whale skin hub caps, and all leather
cow interior, and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights...yeah! And I'm
gonna' drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour, gettin' one mile
per gallon, suckin' down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in
the old fashion non-biodegradible Styrofoam containers. And when I'm
done suckin' down those grease-ball burgers [...] I'm gonna' toss the
Styrofoam containers right out the side and there ain't a god damn thing
anybody can do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's
why. Two words: nuclear fuckin' weapons. O.K. Russia, Germany,
Romania; they can have all the democracy they want. They can have a big
democracy cake-walk right through the middle of Tiennamen Square and it
won't make a lick of difference because we got the bombs. O.K. John
Wayne's not dead. He's frozen. And as soon as we find a cure for cancer
we're gonna' thaw out the Duke and he's gonna' be pretty pissed off. You
know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiply that by 15
million times. That's how pissed off the Duke's gonna' be. And I'm
gonna' get the Duke, and John Caselvetties, and Lee Marvin, and Sam
Peckindorf, and a case of whiskey, and drive down to Texas, and [piss on
Mexico]!"
       -- 'Asshole', Denis Leary

Date: Thu, 30 Apr 98 17:03:05 EST
From: Jim Berling
To: "]"
Subject: }

Word,
Stuff is cool. Hope your shit is down. Peace.


> The coolest e-mail I ever received.

Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and
when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
--Dick Brandon

> Not-so-Ancient Linux Proverb.

Date: Fri, 15 Sep 2000 09:20:12 -0600 (MDT)
From: Matt
To: Scott Bucholtz
Subject: Re: q2, car, prob.c


I'm still game for abq, esp. if we can go shopping somewhere
for a little while. Afterwards, we can do crypto and C, followed
by an interpretive dance on the history of the native people.
natives of what TBA. grr.

-segfault
/* I'm on the good shit right now */

C is a very, very straightforward language. The New Testament (The K&R
ANSI C book) is not more than a few hundred very sparse, small, widely
typed pages. C++ is more like a religion than a programming language,
requiring you to be versed in the doctrines of OOP, polymorphism,
inheritance, constructors and destructors, exception handlers, and so
forth. Objects spontaneously come into existance, fade out, and do all
kinds of sneaky shit behind your back.

If it really interests you, then read about it on some FAQish webpages,
and get a Windows C++ compiler. If you learn it well, prepare to make
ungodly shitloads of money. But that's a long goddamn road. Personally
I'm more interested in FORTRAN 90 right now, as I've recently seen some
really good code written in that language. That's what I get for working
with geophysicists.

-Matt
!FORTRAN Lives

> Segfault's response to a C++ question I posed. :)

"Somebody asking you to work on their 6-node Alpha Beowolf Cluster is like
having a guy asking you to have sex with with his supermodel wife and then
paying you for it."
-- segfault/lemnwezl

> ...while discussing the benefits of his new job.

Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College:
       Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students,
and parking for the faculty.

segfault@rage:~$ xv
Segmentation fault
segfault@rage:~$ ldd `which xv`
libX11.so.3 (DLL Jump 3.1) => /usr/ix86-linuxaout/lib/libX11.so.3
libm.so.4 (DLL Jump 4.5pl26) => /lib/libm.so.4
libc.so.4 (DLL Jump 4.5pl26) => /lib/libc.so.4
segfault@rage:~$

> Matt's response was, "What the fuck?"

"I'm just tired of counting shit."
       -- Corrine Sharp

> 5/29/2013

"Today sucked balls."
       -- Barton

> 7/27/2017